


Leave everything behind

by Komorabbit



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Coming Out, Love Confessions, M/M, Moving On, One Shot, POV First Person, Small Towns, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Komorabbit/pseuds/Komorabbit
Summary: Jinyoung moves out of his hometown. He decides to leave everything behind and look into the future instead. Then he meets Jaebum at the bus stop and the memory lane begins...
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	Leave everything behind

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! ^^ This is my first English fanfic, a translation of the original Hungarian version. I hope you'll enjoy it! Anyway, please leave your thoughts in the comments so I'll be able to improve my writing and get back with even better fanfics. Thanks <3

Everyone knew I was leaving. I wanted to go to univerity, to Seoul to be exact since I was able to comprehend how important studying was to my future. My hometown was quiet and peaceful but too small, at least too small for my dreams. Far too small. And when I reached the time to start preparing for leaving I didn’t even want to live there anymore. I felt like the people from my life before, everyone I had a bond with were heavy burdens on my shoulders. Everytime I was walking on the streets I met people I didn’t want to meet and I remembered things I wanted to forget about completely. I couldn’t wait to move out and leaving everything behind. I wanted to leave here all of my memories and burn all of the bridges down.

Only my parents were aware of the exact date of me moving out. I didn’t want to tell anyone so they wouldn’t try to say goodbye to me with teary eyes. I wouldn’t have been able to cry fake tears so I didn’t want to get into awkward situations. To be honest I’ve already moved almost everything to my tiny apartment in Seoul, only a suitcase left to grab and to get on the bus with. And then I won’t look behind me. Ever.

It was a hot noon in July, the sun was shining brightly, burning my skin as I was waiting at the bus stop. It was the only bus stop in the town and took place outside of it, fields all around. I said goodbye to my parents at home already and took a walk here. This was kind of a ritual. A farewell. The heat was almost unbearable, I tried to loose my collar again and again but it was no help, it still felt suffocating. Mirages were dancing in the distance and I was so occupied with them that I didn’t even notice someone approarching me and standing a few feets away with his hands in his pockets.

„Hello, Jinyoung. Travelling?” He asked.

„Moving out.”

„…I see.”

He just stood there with his hands in his pockets, with his broad shoulders and slicked back hair that looked _so_ good. Sunshine was gleaming on his earrings, it was blinding. He stared at me with a serious, unreadable expression, with dark eyes full of secrets. His t-shirt stuck to his skin from his sweat so I was able to see how much time he spent hitting the gym still.

„Why did you come here, Jaebum?”

„I saw you walking with your bag.” He pointed at my suitcase with his chin. „I guessed that you’re moving out. I didn’t know if I’ll have an opportunity to talk to you again if I let this one go.”

I haven’t said anything. I haven’t said I didn’t want to talk even if I really didn’t. Those times were far behind of us.

_„I just can’t understand why everyone is so obsessed with love,” said Jaebum. „I’ve never been in love before,” he shrugged._

_It was a beautiful evening in April and we were roming aroung the streets. We both loved walking without any destination so our meeting wasn’t anything special. I didn’t even know how this topic popped up but I’d rather backed out of it._

_But I just laughed it off and made a joke as always when I haven’t wanted him to see my real thoughts. He’s never been in love. Although I was there, in front of him to be in love with._

„I’m going to university in Seoul.” I said, turning away, watching the fields instead.

„What are you going to study?”

„Acting.”

„Oh.” A suprised noise escaped Jaebum. „I didn’t know you were interested in acting.”

Of course you didn’t, I thought. If you knew, you’d realized how madly in love I was all those years.

_„So… You like boys?” asked Jaebum, a summary after my long and awkward speech._

_„Yeah.” I mumbled with my eyes staring at the ground._

_Jaebum hummed and stared at the sky. We were sitting on the roof of my home, the part we could reach as we climbed out of my room’s window. Cicadas were singing, the first stars already glowed on the night sky. I loved sitting here. We could have deep conversations with Jaebum that were far too serious for our teenage minds. I always felt safe here. Maybe that was the reason I chose this moment to talk about_ it.

_„It’s fine with me” Jaebum shrugged. „Actually, thank you for sharing it with me.” His smile was so warm it made me lose my breath._

_I didn’t tell him that my heart was pounding so hard in my chest when I saw this smile and his eyes crinking. I didn’t tell him that although I liked boys, the only boy I actually liked was him._

„I’ll miss those good old days,” he said, trying to fill the silence.

„Yeah.” I already missed them.

„Do you remember that big tree? Where we used to hang out a lot when we were in high school?” I heard the smile in his voice.

„Yeah,” I repeated.

It was a huge oak. Sometimes we caught stag-beetles there. We liked hanging out and playing around it. Most of the children hadn’t wandered that far from the town, therefore it was a peaceful, cozy place just for ourselves.

Then it popped up my mind how Jaebum was talking about one of his dreams there.

_„I dreamt I was going out with Hana,” Jaebum said._

_My heart skipped a beat. But… Jaebum and Hana were just friends, weren’t they? Is there something more going on? Or is it just some silly dream, nothing else? It didn’t matter, my heart was already in pieces anyway._

_„Maybe your subconscios knows something that you don’t yet.” I poked him playfully and he laughed._

_„I knew you’re going to say this.” He was shaking his head, still smiling._

_We moved on from the topic. Maybe he forgat about it in a few days but I still remembered it even after years and years. Everytime they smiled at each other or were chatting in the classroom I felt this ache in my chest. And it ached more and more every single day._

„Jaebum, why are you here?” I repeated the question but I looked deeply into his eyes this time.

Jaebum was staring at me for a while than he lowered his eyes. I remembered from back then how he blushed every time when I was looking at him like this. He couldn’t stand staring. But after a few seconds he lifted his gaze up again. He had some kind of strangely sad expression on his face.

„I didn’t want you to leave with me being only a bad memory,” he confessed. „What happened back then…”

„Don’t.” I turned away. „I don’t want to talk about it.”

_„I’m… I’m in love with you.”_

_I didn't have the courage to look Jaebum in the eyes. I didn’t want to see the refusial even if I knew that it’s inevitable. I knew even when I discovered my feelings. I never had a chance. Not just because he wasn’t into boys. The problem was_ me _._ I _wasn’t enough._

_„And I know you don’t feel like that so it doesn’t really matter I just… I just wanted to tell you. And I’m sorry… For ruining everything…_

_I felt Jaebum’s arms around me and after a second of suprise, I clinged to his shirt. Just one last time. I won’t have more chance to hug him like this, will I? I forced back the tears because I didn’t want him to see me cry. I didn’t want to look even more pathetic. But how could’ve I move on if I didn’t tell him and got clear refusial? At least I won’t have false hope._

_„To be honest I sensed it,” he confessed. „And you haven’t ruined anyting.”_

_I wanted to tell him that yes, I ruing everything but I couldn’t get those words out. I just let him hold me, I tried to burn his smell into my brain for the lonely days ahead and whised we could stay like this forever._

_Then I let him go, bid farewell shortly then turned around to leave. After then we had a few converstations then even those timed passed away. I couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore._

_In the end I hadn’t even talked to him anymore. Until now._

„Those things… I haven’t regretted them. I learnt how to love and that’s important. But now…” I looked at Jaebum again. „I will leave and I will leave everything behind. _Everything_.

The message was clear. I will leave everything here, even Jaebum, our friendship, the fact that I was in love with him and that I always will be a little. I will leave and won’t look back anymore because there’s a huge world ahead with a new life and I will live it with all my heart without burdens, memories and old feelings. Without Jaebum.

The bus appeared at the end of the road then stopped beside me. I wanted to get on it but I went still in the door to look back at Jaebum. His sadness was visible but his expression also had understanding and empathy and maybe a little amazement and I was happy that this is my last impression of him. It was the raw, real Im Jaebum.

„Goodbye, Jaebum.” Even after this time my heart still beat a little faster.

„Goodbye, Jinyoung,” he whispered.

I got on the bus, bought the ticket and sat in the nearest seat. The door closed and the engine was growling lounder. I knew if I looked back, I saw him at the bus stop all alone, staring at the vehicle as it moved farther and farther away. But I didn’t turn around.

In the end I haven’t spoken with Im Jaebum. Ever again.


End file.
